On the inside though, I'm a bit more driven in ways that anger and frighten me. Yesterday, I found out my dad had yet another stroke, this one milder than the first, thankfully. The doctors have sent him back home where he, incidentally, will be much happier with his dog. After all, my dad was always a farm boy and you can't take that comfort out of him. I feel like running to check on him (three hours away) though I also know that's not going to fix everything.
As I was following my morning routine of getting my daughter off to school, fixing breakfast for the boys, changing diapers and all the usual, I felt a little anger or at least frustration forcing my step which translated became an incredible urge to get outside and experiment in late winter's mild temperament. The kids had to come too, there was no excuse not to get busy or at least get exercise.
We developed a plan. My boys and I dragged a huge box from the garage and set it in the kids' wagon and we rolled it over through the muddy springlike yard to the newly remodeled shop. So glad to have that space back! It was a dump wagon the family got for Christmas from their other grandpa and grandma and we were bound and determined to put it together. We got close to finishing it, and I will have to admit, I had to wait for someone with a few more muscles than I to complete the project. The kids had fun playing without a doubt. Seems like they have much more fun when mom or dad are busy doing something than when mom or dad are busy watching them. Carrying around wrenches, riding the tricycle, climbing the hood of tractor that had been set on the floor, and drawing with chalk kept them occupied and relatively trouble free the whole time.
Somewhere between watching the kids and perusing through toolboxes for the correct wrenches, I stepped on an unwelcome thought. Sometimes I spend way too much time needing the right tool, or the right information, or the right person to get the job done. Though, this is certainly a catch-22 that can be hard to circumvent. Sometimes its hard to accomplish what I want to accomplish without needing help and sometimes I desire the satisfaction of not having to ask. Alas, we all need to find comfort in working in tandem with others, too.
Next, we nailed together sissy's pink kitten picture which she had created a few days ago. It was a puzzle kitty, made out of pieces of scrap wood using a marker and "pink cattle paint". I decided to nail it together so daddy could hang it up.
I never thought the shop could be so much fun for me and the kids. As it warms up, our world opens up. We can play in the barns and granary and shed and most anywhere outside. Though, I have to say we have to be careful because this farm is one busy place. When I grew up on farm we saw one vehicle a week and it was the milk truck. On our farm, however, people and trucks and machinery are coming and going all the time. It's a fact of life and we have to be aware of it.
When we came in, my husband had offered to make lunch, ham with fried potatoes, and most welcome surprise! What a nice change of pace not to have to worry about what to cook next and when.
Sometimes, I think I'm a lot like those cedars trees, bobbing up and down and fishing for something, sometimes nervous with worries, but most of the time at peace with the family on the farm, hanging out.
